Throughout our lives, we’re all faced with our own unique problems and challenges. And if there’s one thing that’s a universal rule among us all, it’s the simple fact that these challenges can make or break us.

Today, we’re going to be taking a look at the story of Tamika Thomas. Tamika is a true inspiration, a strong woman who learned to overcome the challenges presented to her and she’s sharing some of that wisdom with us today. So let’s talk about her story, and how she turned pain into purpose.

Her Early Life

From the very beginning, Tamika never had it easy. She was born to young parents who lived apart, and she was mostly raised by her mother for the first six years of her life. During these formative years, Tamika and her mother’s other children were exposed to traumatizing things daily. They lived in a rough part of their city; drive by shootings were common, so much so, that she and her siblings learned to play on the floor so that they’d be safe.

Another traumatic aspect of Tamika’s young life was that she was forced to grow up quickly, in order to take care of her younger siblings. During our interview, she recalled the fact that she learned to make grilled cheese as a four year old child because her siblings were hungry.

And then, came an accident that would have a huge impact on her life. Tamika says that moments like these were “tipping points” in her life, and that even as they happened, she could tell that they’d be important later. In this instance, the tipping point was that at six years old Tamika was hit by a car.

Being hit by a car, even for a full grown person, is a life-changing event. It’s the sort of thing that you’re lucky to survive from, but Tamika did just that. She remembered wondering why she was the only one that was hit, but ultimately decided that it must’ve happened for a reason. This is one of the earliest instances of her taking a horrible situation and turning it into something more positive.

As Tamika said, she’s adopted the belief that “These things happened for me, not happened to me.”

But the accident caused a domino effect.  It would lead to her father filing for custody of her, this incited a year-and-a-half long long court case that her dad ultimately won. The young Tamika had mixed feelings about this though, because life with her mother was all she’d ever know. And although the situation wasn’t ideal, it was a tough adjustment.

Her father lived in a safer neighborhood and Tamika began going to school after moving in with him, but it didn’t come without its downsides. At school, Tamika was behind her peers because of the lack of schooling she’d been provided beforehand. She didn’t know how to read or write yet, and couldn’t write her own name. So she was sent back a grade. Plus at home, her father was very strict; and even worse, was physically abusive.

Still Tamika worked hard to navigate this large change the best she could even though it wasn’t easy. Because she said that even when she was young that she was “meant for something greater.”

Moving further into her early years, Tamika’s high school experience had its up and downs. She struggled with a lot of internalized pain, and therefore anger. She had numerous fights with her peers, and one fight was so severe that she ended up in court. But it was during this time that she had the revelation that she could use her trauma as crutches, or she could use them as stairs. She chose to use them as stairs, which brings us to the next chapter of her life…

Her Adulthood

At the young age of eighteen, Tamika married her first husband and had her first son. The birth of her son was another tipping point in her life. She referred to him as her mirror because he opened a door to explore the trauma that she had never dealt with before. On one hand, the process wasn’t easy; but on the other hand, the healing was very much needed.

She realized that everyone has hidden trauma and pain that they carry with them every day. She likened it to an “invisible suitcase”, and said that you have to recognize it’s there before you can unpack it. So after her son awakened that part of her, she set her mind to working through each piece of trauma that her suitcase held. Because in her own words, “you can’t heal what you hide.”

Tamika says that in the first three to six months of her son’s life, she was afraid that she would hurt him like her parents hurt her. But over time, her son taught her how to love something else unconditionally; and showed her that she was capable of that kind of love even if her parents weren’t.

Two and a half years after the birth of her first son, Tamika would have a second one. But the birth of her second child didn’t go as smoothly as the birth of her first, and it would present another trial which she needed to face. She went into preterm labor with her second son, and her newborn was predicted to not last through the night. In fact, the doctors didn’t even want her to see the baby because it would make the experience too painful.

Tamika insisted to see her son though, and when she did, she saw the same spark in him that she had in her. She recollected that in that moment, she knew that somehow her son would make it. And make it he did! The tiny baby went through multiple surgeries, he coded four times, and he even developed a brain bleed which the doctors were worried might kill him. But he came through the other side, and survived his rocky welcome to the world.

Throughout this entire process, Tamika never lost her faith that something good would happen even when people thought she was crazy. She says that “faith drives us”, and whether or not we’re religious, we all need to find something to believe in. Even if that something is just ourselves.

But even though she survived this traumatic event, and so did her new son, there was still more pain she would have to face. Soon, she separated from her husband and they began to split the time they spent with their kids. It was during this time that Tamika’s next “tipping point” would come. One night, her husband dropped off the kids at her house but the boys kept saying that they missed their dad.

Tamika’s pride and joy was her children, and hearing them say that they preferred to be with their dad in that moment felt like a slap in the face to her. So that night she drove them to see their dad, went home herself, and then started ruminating on how she felt like nobody had ever truly loved her. This caused her so much pain that she tried to take her own life.

Thankfully, the boy’s father knew something was wrong and called 911. The paramedics arrived just in time, and they were able to save her. But at the hospital, they informed her that she was pregnant; a fact that Tamika hadn’t been aware of. And additionally, because of the pills that she had taken during her suicide attempt, she was forced to abort the baby.

Obviously, she was heartbroken at this news but during her recovery she had several experiences that she remembers up to this day. People would come by her room and repeatedly tell her that she was a light, and give her their well wishes. This helped boost her spirits tremendously, and like she had done so many times before in her life, she picked herself up and kept moving.

After she recovered, her and husband reunited for a time. And while they were back together, they decided to try one more time for a baby. To their shock and joy, Tamika became pregnant with twins. But unfortunately, she went into preterm labor once more. They were able to keep one of the twins inside her but the first of the twins, a baby girl, died in her parent’s arms shortly after her premature birth.

About a month later Tamika was able to deliver her other daughter, who lived.

Tamika and her husband stayed together for a while after this, but eventually Tamika decided they should separate. Her husband was a good father to her children, but she didn’t feel that he was a good husband to her and she didn’t want to teach her kids to settle for less in situations. They peacefully dissolved their marriage, and remained co-parents.

Soon after her divorce was finalized, Tamika married another man because she felt like a woman her age with children shouldn’t be unmarried. She believed this because of religious norms and generational trauma that had been passed down to her, she says that this marriage was a mistake. And she ended up divorcing her second husband as well.

But before she did so, she faced another obstacle. At the age of thirty-two, she suffered a major stroke. For two weeks after this stroke, she couldn’t speak or walk. Tamika didn’t let this stop her though, she knew her story didn’t end here. She kept pushing, refused to stop moving, and overcame this trauma just as she had with her other traumas.

After her stroke and second divorce, she focused on herself for six years. She “dated” herself and learned to give herself the love she needed. Afterwards, she entered a loving relationship that she’s still in; through which she’s gained five bonus children whom she loves deeply.

And through it all, she found her purpose. As she said, “I’ve turned my trials into treasures.” Tamika is a coach for teen moms and other youth who she feels that she can help to reach their full potential. She applies the lessons she’s learned about life into her coaching, and she’s reached many people with her message. But now, let’s talk about one of the lessons that she learned and shared that really stuck with me.

Water your seed of resilience

Tamika says that we all have two seeds within us that were born out of trauma; a seed of resilience and a seed of rejection/abandonment. She believes that the key to turning pain into purpose is to water the right seed. This is by no means a quick process, Tamika notes that “baby steps matter” and that “people don’t just becoming the best versions of themselves; it takes work, it takes time.”

But at the end of the process, if you’ve watered the seed of resiliency, you’ll start to see positive results. And you can then use the lessons that pain has taught you, to figure out your purpose. Because at the end of the day Tamika believes that “your mind is the soil by which everything grows.”

But what do you do about that other seed? Well Tamika doesn’t believe that getting rid of the seed of rejection is necessary. She simply thinks that you shouldn’t let that seed influence your actions, or in her words, we shouldn’t let the “fans in the stand” affect what we do because they’re not in the game with us.

So that concludes this article, and hopefully you were able to find as much wisdom in the words of Tamika as I did. She had some very valuable insights on how to turn pain into purpose, and great reminders that you can find positive aspects of everything.